Blink All You Want: It Will Be Okay! Cheers!

Before I go on to write about our youngest son's beautiful Catholic wedding Mass on Sept. 7, followed by a fabulous reception held under an enormous tent set up on the bride's family's ancestral farm (as a rather overdue follow-up to my most recent post about his rehearsal dinner), I thought I'd share a few more photos from the rehearsal dinner that make my eyes sting a little when I look at them.  And it's not imagining taking a swig of hard liquor that makes them sting--it's something else entirely...but I'm getting ahead of myself here.

In recent years, I've been doing a lot of those, "don't blink, young mamas" posts, both here and over on Instagram.  (When I did blink, the cute little fellers snuggled up together on the couch in this photo had suddenly grown up and moved out of the house to start lives of their own.  The nerve!)

It's so true that although the individual days can seem very long when you're focusing on the care and feeding of small children, the years fly by in a flash; and I'm left almost breathless by the fact that the soft-cheeked little boys I raised are now grown men raising soft-cheeked babies of their own.  I can hardly figure out how that even happened.  So those sentimental "don't blink" posts I've written are very bittersweet; but I worry that perhaps they seem to focus a little too much on the bitter part.  Because oh, let me tell you: there is something so indescribably sweet about having grown-up children, about seeing what fine adults they've become and realizing that they are some of your very favorite people on the planet, the people you would most like to spend your time with.  And God willing, you will most likely get to spend much more time with them as adults--you'll be adults together!--than you'll spend with them as children.

Case in point: our oldest son is going to turn 36 this month.  He left his home in NH at 18 to go off to college in South Bend, IN; after that, he only came back for school breaks and summers, until he was sent to his first post in the Army after he graduated from Notre Dame.  So when he celebrates this next birthday, he will have been out on his own for the same number of years as we had him living under our roof.  He has already spent half of his life living apart from his parents.

I recently read an Instagram post by a gal whom many of you have probably known for years but I've just "met" since I joined Instagram and found--to my delight!-- a veritable treasure trove of Catholic writers who inspire me daily.   The IG post was by Laura Fanucci (@thismessygrace), and she wrote about how her husband and she were chatting with one of his colleagues, who was raving about his grandkids. Then he found out that Laura and her husband were expecting their fifth child.  "His eyes went wide.  I could see the usual jokes on the tip of his tongue.  But then I fell in love with my husband all over again.  Because he laughed & said: Yup.  We're playing the long game."  Laura goes on to say, "Playing the long game means keeping the end before our eyes.  For most of our lives & our kids' lives (God willing), we will all be adults together.  Isn't that a radical thought?  The long game looks up from the ground we're walking and remembers the whole road is what counts.  A full family life not just for now, but for always.  No one I know went to law school or med school because they wanted the grueling years of the beginning.  They were playing the long game...The long game is vocation's view.  It doesn't dismiss today; here and now is always a part of the whole.  But neither does it lose out on the greater good for a smoother short-cut."

I don't think I've ever read a simpler or more beautiful essay on the beauty of family life--and how grateful we should feel to be blessed with as many children as God gives us, in spite of how tough those early years in the trenches can be.

My husband always used to say that you had to be willing to have your children dislike you sometimes, while helping to guide them (and often having to discipline them) through the various difficult stages of their childhoods and young adulthoods.  But again, if you were thinking of the long game, being willing to NOT be their friend all the time when they were young made it so that you could have the joy of being friends with them when they were adults.  (I wrote about this once here at the blog, long ago.)

Anyway, moving on to the purpose of this post: to show you how our long game is turning out so far.  To show you that, even though our four oldest sons were born in four years and then there was a five-year gap before the arrival of son #5, they have now become equals and good friends as adults.

When our youngest was learning to talk, he would light up and scream with joy "Dies! [Guys!]" every time he saw his brothers.  They were his heroes and role models, and he spent most of his young life in a frantic game of catch-up.  As I was going through all of his notebooks and papers at the end of his freshman year and trying to figure out what to keep and what to toss, I found the most touching journal entry in his English notebook and I had to save it.

Well, I would say he is 100% "one of the guys" now.  At his rehearsal dinner, one of his older brothers announced that it was time for a "brothers shot."  Now, don't get me wrong--I am not a proponent of irresponsible alcohol consumption, in general.  But this was more of a rite of passage, a ceremonial type of shot, one that celebrated the fact that the youngest in the family was now going to join his brothers in embracing the vocation of marriage (and hopefully one day, fatherhood).

That picture up above?  That's evocative of a wonderful--and relatively short--season of our life, one that I still occasionally miss and think of with nostalgia.  But I wouldn't trade where we are now for all the tea in China.  That was just the short game.

This is what the long game looks like.

Son #2 could not make the wedding, due to family circumstances; but our youngest son's bride-to-be gamely

filled in for him.

So don't be afraid to blink, mamas.  It will be okay.  Yes, there is some truth to that oft-cited adage "little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems."  There will still be tough seasons--because this is the valley of tears, no doubt about it. But you and those kids you raised will weather those seasons together, as adults; with a strong family and even stronger Faith, it will be okay.  In fact, it will be more wonderful than you could ever imagine.

Cheers!

The Wedding Singer

If you're one of those folks who suffers from the Monday morning blues, have I got the Rx for you!  Here's a YouTube video of my younger brother singing (and playing) that great country song, "Chicken Fried," at the wedding reception of our older brother's daughter not too long ago.  This was the first song he performed, and the crowd loved it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8AAXslTb3o&feature=share

My niece had an awesome live band for the event, but my brother got a chance to play a few numbers when they went on break and gave him the stage.  They didn't know that he routinely has gigs of his own, and they were probably thinking, "Here we go--another member of a bride's family who thinks he's a rock star!"  But what was really cool was that after seeing how good he was and how well he was working the crowd, the lead singer of the band sat down at the drums and joined in, and before long, the keyboard player was accompanying my brother on bass. This uber-talented* sibling of mine ended up performing four songs to a really receptive crowd, with some versatile band members giving up their break time to jam with him.  It was so much fun to witness!   He followed "Chicken Fried" up with "Here Comes the Sun" and "I Am, I Said."  Then at the request of the father of the bride, he ended his set with everybody's favorite party sing-along song, "American Pie."  (And my older brother's whole family was on the stage with him by that point, which made it even better.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhqWvZww4T0&feature=share

Not too long ago, I told you about how much I love my two brothers.  I didn't mind being sandwiched between them--and I think the fact that I was might have helped me with the role I was to play when I grew up: mother to five boys.  Seeing how their bond has endured throughout their lives makes me happy that my husband and I were able to give each of our boys four brothers.  I can imagine them celebrating together at the weddings of their children, and the scary thing is...that futuristic, far-off time will be here before they know it.  But it warms my heart to know that even when my husband and I are gone, those boys will have each other.  They are a band of brothers (and yes, I am plagiarizing here, using the title of that HBO series; but it fits so well!).

So raise your glass coffee mug and let's toast: To brothers!  God bless 'em.

*(And just so you know: he's totally self-taught, plays by ear!)



Five Favorites!

First of all, let me say that I love blogging.  Blogging is my favorite.

"Could have fooled me!  You'd sure never know it by how many new posts she's produced in the last month."  Is that what you're thinking, my dear reader?  If so, I don't blame you.  My output has been decidedly sub-par as of late.  (But wait: being below par is actually a good thing, if you're a golfer...the lower the score, the better!  Although I don't think that applies to the world of blogging, where the higher the number of posts, the better.)

Anyway, instead of giving you all the usual excuses for my Internet silence (remember, I am trying to write a book--so go easy on me), I thought I'd get back in the game today by not only blogging, but linking up with other bloggers, too!   So I'm joining Heather at Mama Knows, Honey Child for that popular Wednesday link-up, Five Favorites.

Favorite #1:

Having my baby home! 

Our youngest son returned home last night, after being gone almost 2 months.  First, he spent 3 weeks in El Paso doing an Army summer internship; and immediately following that, he reported to Fort Knox, for the required Army leadership course that all ROTC cadets must attend between their junior and senior years of college.  We picked him up at the airport late last night, and he warned us that he would probably sleep most of the day today.  Fine by me.  I just love knowing he's up there in his own bed, and that when he finally wakes up, I can feed him like a king.  After all those weeks of enduring MRE's (Meals Ready to Eat, once known as K-rations or C-rations), he's ready for Mom's home cooking, that's for sure.

I made fried chicken, gravy, and mashed potatoes yesterday, which I plan to heat up for him tonight (along with some stuffing, which just might be his favorite side dish).  I also baked him a "Welcome Home" cake.  Which leads me to favorite #2.

Favorite #2:

Baking!

I could bake every single day, that's how much I love to do it.  The only reason I don't is that we would all be as big as a house around here if I did.  As it is, I often bake just for the joy of it (I swear, it's downright therapeutic!), even when there is no occasion whatsoever that calls for a special dessert.  Then I have to freeze the goodies I've made to save for a later date.  It might be some sort of illness, I'm not sure...

But I'll tell you, making cakes and cookies is so much more fun, now that I have a Kitchen Aid mixer!  (You guessed it; that's my segue into Favorite #3!)

Favorite #3:

My Kitchen Aid mixer!

As if this appliance wouldn't be magnificent enough in any color, mine is in my very favorite hue in the world: Kelly green!  (How do you like that?  Another favorite!)  This past Mother's Day, my 5 sons, along with their significant others and my husband, all pitched in to get me this dream gift, and now I'm wondering how I was able to manage without it all these years.  The brilliant pop of color makes me smile every time I look at it.  Preciosa was wondering what color they should choose, and her hubby (my beloved middle son) said, "No question--it definitely has to be Kelly green."  He knows his momma. 

Until I received "my precious," I always used a hand mixer...and I always made a huge mess whenever I baked.  I couldn't seem to find a mixing bowl that was deep enough to keep the batter from splattering all over the place, yet shallow enough for maneuvering the hand mixer.  Now I toss all the ingredients into the deep stainless steel bowl that comes with the Kitchen Aid, turn that industrial-strength baby on, and get to enjoy splatter-free, hands-free, super-efficient mixing.  It's like a dream come true.  I can see now why brides-to-be usually put a Kitchen Aid mixer on their bridal registries.

Hey, how 'bout that?  My last two favorites were in fact inspired by the wedding of a brand new bride I know, my older brother's daughter.  The amazing celebration after her nuptial Mass was like nothing you've ever seen (I like to call it "My Big, Fat, Italian Wedding").  280 guests, a live band, mouth-watering plated dinners...it was something else, I'll tell you.  Just so much fun!  And I got to dance with my sweetheart, which leads to what else but--

Favorite #4:

Dancing with My Husband!

Weddings are always such a great opportunity for my husband and me to do something that we absolutely love doing--dancing together, jitterbug/swing-style--but really don't do very often. 

Back in 1975, shortly before our high school junior prom, my mother gave the two of us some basic lessons in this style of dancing.  I remember going through the motions in our living room, with Mom coaching us.  She taught my cute boyfriend how to lead, and I learned how to follow (for the most part).  We cut a pretty good rug at that prom.  Then when this boyfriend/future husband went off to college, he would show me new moves he'd learned at Notre Dame dances every time we were home together on breaks, and we'd incorporate them into our "routines."  Over the years, our timing and confidence continued to improve.  We're not half-bad (if I do say so myself)--and a lot better at it at 56 than we were at 16, although we get winded quicker.  We definitely give the young kids out on the dance floor a run for their money!

But there was a lot of impressive dancing going on at my niece's wedding.  Even my brothers were swinging each other around the floor, making everyone around them laugh.  So I guess you might be able to predict what #5 is going to be...

Favorite #5:

My Sweet, Funny (and Talented) Brothers!

I'm the second-oldest sibling in my family, sandwiched between two brothers; one is about 16 months older than I, and the other is about 18 months younger.  (We also have two younger sisters.) 

The Harding boys are both such showmen, each in his own way.  My older brother will make you laugh until your stomach hurts, and he's never afraid to make an utter fool of himself to get that reaction.  My younger brother has a traditional job, but is also living out a dream from his garage band days in high school: in his off hours, he plays his guitar and sings at bars, parties, etc.--and he's incredibly good.  When he's up there doing his thing, he works the crowd with his quick wit and self-deprecating humor.

I can't say enough about these two guys.  The band let my younger brother get up on stage and play 4 songs at our niece's wedding reception, and within the next few days, I just might be sharing some videos my sister took while he was performing.  And while I'm at it, I've got to show you the video of my older brother doing a choreographed father-daughter dance with his baby girl; it's almost guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

But for now, here are some still shots of my silly brothers, acting like they've got a major bromance going on.  (I'm the gal in the blue polka-dot dress, laughing her head off.)

Ahhh...good times, good times.

Now tell me, what are some of your favorites?

My Brother, My Friend

I've been doing a bit of spring cleaning lately (summer cleaning--potato, po-tah-to), and I came across this old shapshot in a drawer.  It has always been one of my favorite childhood pictures, of me with one of my favorite childhood friends--my older brother, who is 16 months my senior.

This 1967 photo, snapped at the top of Whiteface Mountain near Lake Placid, NY, was taken by our aunt, our father's only sister, who had no children of her own and treated my four siblings and me as if we were the most special people in the universe. My brother was 10 here, and I was 9.  Just a couple years after this picture was taken, the two of us rode a Greyhound bus by ourselves to NJ to visit her, and she took us to our first Broadway play.  Every kid should have an aunt like her.

I feel like this picture should be captured in oils, it's so endearing.  And I think the perfect artist to do it justice would have been Norman Rockwell, who was so good at depicting heartwarming scenes of small-town life in these United States.  In fact, I think my brother looks an awful lot like some of the boys Rockwell painted--he could have been one of his models.  Look at him up there with his perfectly shaped head, perfectly shaped face, and cute upturned nose...and those blue jeans with the plaid lining are killing me.  Everything about him screams "All-American boy."

He reminds me a little bit of this lad.

And these sports fans here.

And this cutie-pie, too.

My older brother is one of the funniest people I've ever met--that guy has always been able to make me laugh!  He teased me mercilessly when I was young, never letting me forget that I was a nerdy-looking thing.  He was the one who dubbed me "the fly," because of my ginormous glasses.  But I always knew that he loved--and liked--me.  We always got along so well.   My dad has told me that even when we were little tykes, we never really fought.  "You were best buddies," he said.

Well, my old best buddy is about to have a big life change.  The eldest of his three children, his only precious daughter, is getting married in a few weeks.  He's ready for it, though...especially because it means he gets to be a grandfather soon.  Like me, he has always lived for his children.  And like me, now he will live for their children as well.

Some things really don't change, no matter how old you get (thank goodness).  One of them is that my brother and I are still the best of friends.  And as you can see, he's still making me laugh.