A Mother Carries Her Babies Forever

I was recently scrolling my Substack feed (this is my new much-too-addictive time-suck, and I fear that I'll have to delete it, like I've deleted all the other social media sites that got to be too much), and I saw this fascinating post.

This explains a lot, doesn't it?  That bond between mother and child is an extraordinary thing.  It's almost like having your very heart living outside your body. It's painful sometimes, for life is so very fragile and the world can be a scary place.  A mother's heart dies a thousand deaths, worrying about her babies.  But it's such a gift, to know that kind of love.  It's hard to imagine a love more profound.  And how incredible that we women were given that wondrous privilege: to be the ones who are co-creators, with God Himself, of human life.  I have five sons, all giants when I stand next to them now, and incredibly--through a miracle so awesome it could only come from God--their first home was in me.  I am often brought to tears by this knowledge.  I love them more than my life!  And  I love the idea that after they were born and started their own lives out in the world, separated from the mama who bore them, they might have left some of their cells behind in me.  I carry those boys with me always!

Dear readers, I'd like to ask you to please keep two of our sons and their wives in your prayers.  Sadly, two of our daughters-in-law recently miscarried babies in their first trimesters (this would have been the 8th child for one couple and the 6th for the other).  These precious wee ones join the nine other tiny Pearls who left this world too soon, before we ever had a chance to meet them, and with whom we hope to be reunited in the next life.  Without Faith--without the belief that God always knows what's best for us, even when our human brains are incapable of understanding why things happen the way they do--life would be unbearable sometimes.  There is so much sadness to endure here in the Valley of Tears.  But how comforting to think that those little ones left a bit of themselves behind in their mothers, and those sweet babies will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

God is so good.  All the time.

Embracing the "Enough" Mindset

Apparently, there is a new home decor trend called the "Enough Movement."  I just saw an article about this (on Substack, I believe), and as I was reading it I realized that I've been way ahead of the curve on this one.  I had the "Enough" mindset ingrained in me long ago, very early in our marriage.

In a nutshell, here's what it's all about: homeowners are beginning to appreciate "homes that feel complete without constant updates."  They are resisting the urge to "constantly refresh, replace and renovate."  Instead they are embracing the idea of having a place that feels "complete, comfortable and fit for real life, not endless improvement."  It's all about "longevity over novelty and comfort over show."  I love this philosophy!  I love an imperfectly perfect house that has a history and reflects the personalities of the owners so much more than one that is so exquisitely appointed that it looks like it jumped out of the pages of a glossy home decorating magazine.

This, article, my dear readers, puts into words exactly how I've felt about home decor my whole adult life. This was partly because of financial concerns, to be sure (we couldn't have afforded constant home updates when we started out and were raising our five boys, even if we'd wanted them); but it was also because we were trying to be frugal: to feather our nest by doing paint touch-ups when necessary, adorning our walls with meaningful art and framed family photos, repurposing pieces of furniture as our family's needs changed, and purchasing new furniture that we planned (or at least hoped) would last us for years to come.  We were definitely in the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" camp. 

Don't get me wrong: I love a good DIY home project as much as the next gal (such as when my husband and I refinished our basement here in VA to make a giant playroom for our grandkids, or when we turned our attached two-car garage in NH into an awesome sports-themed man cave/mudroom).  But I'm uncomfortable with the idea of ripping out perfectly good kitchen cabinets that are still functional and well-made, for instance, just because they aren't the latest popular style.  In our renovation-crazed culture, this sort of thing has been very much the norm for a number of years now; but I guess the tide is turning a bit.    

Another aspect of the "Enough Movement" is the idea of "choosing contentment over constant change"--and I can totally relate to that sentiment!  I have trouble with change, that's for sure.  Once I grow used to the way things look in our house, and I know that my kids and grandkids have grown used to them, too, I have trouble making any big changes.  I think there's something kind of comforting about the idea of entering a home you've known for years and finding almost everything exactly as you remember it. Especially if it's a warm, cozy, happy home--and I truly do hope that that's the way our family sees our place.  (This past year, I had to change a damaged rug, a runner that goes from our front door into the foyer area of the house.  I tried to get one almost exactly like the old one, but it was just a tad different.  And our then 8-year-old grandson immediately noticed and said, "You got a new rug."  They notice the smallest changes, I'll tell you!)

We've been in this VA house for almost ten years now. And sometimes, I look at the half-bath on the first floor and wonder if I should spruce it up a little.  It really hasn't changed at all since we moved in.  (I wrote a blog post about this bathroom long ago if you want to fact check me on that!)

The former owners had freshly painted these walls before we bought the house, and I liked the sky-blue color they'd chosen, especially since I was planning to have a bird theme going on in here. (I'd had birds in the bathrooms at our old house in NH, where we'd lived for 26 years, and to make this new house feel like "ours," I decided I had to do so again!)   I did decide to paint some fluffy white clouds right off the bat, because I felt like that blue "sky" was crying out for them.  But that's the only change I made.

These are photos taken of the birds on our NH bathroom walls, before
we painted over them to get that house ready for sale.

To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of pedestal sinks.  I much prefer a vanity with useful storage underneath. But the sink in our VA half-bath is pretty, undamaged, and most importantly, functional; so until it isn't, I'm going to be content to keep it.  (Not long ago, I dropped an old toothbrush down the drain when I was cleaning it, and we couldn't fish it out; so if that drain ever gets hopelessly clogged, we may have to get rid of it one day, and in that case I'll get a vanity.)  I'm also not a huge fan of the mirror above the sink; I probably would have chosen one with a fancy frame if it had been my choice.  But this one has beveled glass, and it's a great size and is doing its job beautifully, so I just can't bring myself to replace it.

My husband loves to play around with ChapGPT, so for fun I asked him to go on there and see what this bathroom would look like if we chose to make it a lot more HGTV-friendly.  I told him to give it the prompt, "show this bathroom with pretty floral wallpaper, a wood vanity with a marble top, and a stylish new mirror."  And this is the result it came up with:

Okay, guys, I get that this AI-designed bathroom is much more beautiful than ours.  I know what good taste looks like when I see it!  But it just doesn't look like "us."  So I guess the sky-blue walls, the clouds, the birds, and the pedestrian sink and mirror are here to stay.  They are, as they say, "Enough" for me.  For now, at least.

What say you, dear readers?  (Be honest, I can take it!)

Reading this post over, I realize that I sound a bit judgy.  So I want to make it clear that what works for me doesn't work for everyone.  Some of my favorite people on earth are really into renovation and redecorating projects, which they see as an outlet for their creativity (in the same way one might enjoy hobbies like sewing, painting, or woodworking).  They love the process itself, because they get true joy from the work involved and the way the results make their homes more efficient and beautiful.  If renovation is your thing, more power to you!  If your surroundings don't give you a feeling of calm and contentment, then by all means, put your DIY hat on and get to work! (And if I ever decide to re-do that bathroom, I'll be in touch!)

We're Back in VA

And it's hot!  So hot!

By the time we left NY yesterday morning, temperatures had been dropping and it was starting to feel almost fall-like; we had been opening up our windows at night to feel cool breezes while we slept.  It sure is different down here. It's about 90 degrees and so humid that it feels like you're breathing through a wet towel.  I can't imagine wanting to open a window, and I've never been more thankful for air conditioning.  Yikes!

But it's so good to be home!!  We've missed our own house, our own bed, our own routines, and most of all, our VA peeps--the three sons and their families who live nearby.

We had a great summer in our old hometown in NY, though.  We got there at the end of June and stayed at my husband's family home most of the time (except for the week we stayed at our Oyster Haven Vrbo house with our whole gang in early July, and another week in August when we blocked it off so that we could get some much-needed plumbing repairs done). It's easy to manage our place from there, because Oyster Haven is just a few miles down the road (and down the lake) from the Pearl homestead. Changeover days are always hard, when one set of renters is checking out by 10:00 a.m. and the next set is arriving by 4:00 p.m. on the same day.  We do have cleaners...but we often have to sort of clean up after them, if you know what I mean.  And my husband and I take all the dirty linens to the laundromat, and I make up all the beds with fresh sheets and towels while my husband cleans the grill, makes sure all the kayaks, paddle boards, and oars are accounted for, and moves the dock if the water level has gotten too low. But other than turnover days, we have a lot of free time to visit with family and enjoy the lake. We spent lots of time on our pontoon boat, any day that weather was permitting.

Most summers, my husband and I are the only steady occupants of his family's house.  All four of his sisters own houses nearby, two as their primary residences and two as vacation homes/rentals.  He has one sister a few doors down who lives there year-round, but her house burned down a little over a year ago and she had to move in while her new house is being built. Another sister lives in FL but also owns a home a few doors down, and for many years it has been mostly a Vrbo rental.  Like us, she blocks it off sometimes for personal use, but she and her husband usually stay at the Pearl family's house when they're visiting. However--her husband recently took a job in the area and they are planning to live there almost year-round now, and to stop renting their home and live in it themselves; but they have renters booked until October, so they, too, had to move into the old homestead this summer.  That means there were three couples sharing the house this year!  (With various and sundry other Pearl relatives popping in for short stays now and then.)  That could have been stressful, but honestly it all went so smoothly and we really enjoyed lots of time together, sharing meals and laughter around the kitchen table.  It helped that each couple had their own full bathroom (in order to make this possible, my husband and I did a minor renovation of the dilapidated basement bathroom, installing a new toilet and vanity and giving it a coat of fresh paint, and that became "our" bathroom), and we also each each had a fridge of our own.  (There are four fridges in that house: one in the kitchen, one in the garage, and two in the basement.  Until this summer, I would have said that having four in one house is overkill; but trust me, all of those fridges were full.)

The night before my husband and I left to head back to VA, we housemates (or "roomies," as we often called each other) decided to take a selfie to commemorate what we are calling "The Summer of Us."

If you must share a house, you couldn't find better people to do that with than these.  

Although I'm glad to be "back where we belong" (to quote one of my sweet little VA granddaughters, who thinks our summers up north are way too long), I'll miss watching the glorious sunrises over the lake as I sip my morning coffee.

The view from the deck of Oyster Haven.

The view from the deck of my husband's childhood home.

The grandkids here are all back in school, and everyone is very busy.  But we're excited to get back to our usual schedule of Sunday brunches and special dinners with the families of sons #2,  #3, and #4, and maybe catching some youth soccer and football games, too.  But even on those days when we can't see any of our peeps, even when it's just my husband and me in our cozy little house down here, going to daily Mass together and eating our simple meals for two, life is good.  So, so good.  It's funny, there are so many times that I'll make some comment and he'll say, "I was just going to say that!"  Or he'll ask a question, and I'll say, "I was just going to ask that myself!"  We are so often thinking about the same thing at the exact same moment. He likes to joke that we have the same brain. Maybe that's what happens when you become best friends and start dating at 15, and you've been married for going-on-46 years--and when you're still each other's favorite person to spend time with and you've talked about everything under the sun.  We like to quote that line from Disney's Frozen: "We finish each other's...sandwiches!"

Yesterday, I was on Substack and someone had shared this poem by Wendell Berry (I think he died recently?); he is the author of the wonderful novel Hannah Coulter, which I absolutely loved.

  

Oh my goodness!  "And when they speak at last it is to say what each one knows the other knows. They have one mind between them, now"... wow!  I think this poem is about my husband and me.  (I'm sure thousands of couples will read it and think so, too.  But really, gang. This is us.)

As far at that whole not knowing "which one goes first through the dark doorway...and which sits on a while alone"...well, I'd just as soon not think about that right now.  As Scarlett O'Hara would say, "I'll think about that tomorrow!"

And for now, I'll bid you goodnight, dear readers.