Sunday, June 17, 2012

Giant Ties for a Giant of a Dad

On Mother's Day this year (May 13), I blogged about the hand-made treasures my boys brought home for me when they were in grade school.  Well, it's Father's Day, and I thought it was only fitting to break out some of the priceless gifts they made for their dad.

At the Catholic grade school all five of our sons attended (even our youngest went there until we decided to homeschool him from grades 4 through 8), the nun who taught first grade did the same Father's Day project year after year: a giant tie cut out of colored paper and decorated in crayon on the front, with a fill-in-the-blanks sheet of paper glued on the back that began with the words "My dad is the greatest dad in the whole world."

Dad can never have enough ties, right?  When in doubt, get him a tie!  Actually, by the time son #5 got into first grade nine years after his oldest brother, Sister Ann had retired the giant tie project and just had the kids draw pictures of themselves with their dads--but she didn't retire the fill-in-the-blanks sheet that was the same as the one his brothers had done, and this was glued onto the back of his artwork.  That sheet--which was like the best Mad Libs page ever--had always been the most important element of the Father's Day giant tie anyway.
On that infamous sheet, most of the boys guessed their father's height correctly, saying he was 6 feet tall; son #3, however, thought his dad was 60 feet--and our baby had him pegged at "9,000,000,000 tall."  (That number seemed a bit high; but he didn't specify what unit of measurement he was using, so for all we know, he was right on the money.)  Son #1 was closest on the weight, at 180 pounds.  Son #3 had him a little low, at 160, but not as low as son #2, who thought he was an anorexic 93 pounds.  Son #4 was about 50 pounds over, with 235.  And then there was our baby's guess, a perplexing "120,000,000,000,000."  (Again, he didn't specify the unit of measurement, so that may not be as far off as it sounds.)

For dad's favorite food, our firstborn filled in "stake," which is a good answer, but not quite as descriptive as son #2's "juicy steak."  Juicy is definitely the quality my husband looks for in a steak.  Our middle son said "chicken," which is certainly right up there with steak on Dad's list of favorite foods, along with son #4's choice, "terkey and gravy."  Our baby's paper reads, "His favorite food is Efreything," which may explain why he thought his dad weighed 120,000,000,000,000.

My husband is an airline pilot, and that means when he's working, he's away from home for a few days at a time.  So when sons #1 and #4 said their dad worked 24 hours each day, that actually made sense.  As far as his boys were concerned, my husband worked either 24 hours a day when he was on a trip or zero hours a day when he was home between trips.  Son #2, however, thought he worked an exhausting 39 hours a day, whereas son #3 guessed only 2. (Did he think his dad was a slacker?)  I know you're dying to hear what our baby came up with, and I don't think you'll be disappointed: 30,000 hours a day.  He had a hard-working dad, that's all he was trying to say.

Here's how the boys finished this sentence: "He looks funny when he _________________."  Our firstborn filled in "where's his wild underwear."  (His dad did have holiday-themed boxers that were bright and silly, and I can only assume that's what he meant here.)  Son #2 thought he looked funny when he "plays Monopoly."  (Not sure what that means, but it makes me want to break out the old Monopoly board.)  Son #4 thought he looked funny when he "maks fases."  (It's true, he was always making hilarious fases for the amusement of his boys.)  And they really must have thought he was a riot when he laughed, because son #3 said he looked funny when he "laph's"--and our youngest took that one step further when he said "laghes so hard."

If you've never met my husband, you're probably having trouble trying to picture what he's like using the above information.  You've figured out that he's somewhere between 6 feet and 9,000,000,000 tall and between 93 pounds and 120,000,000,000,000.  Listen, you can take it from me that he's the perfect height and weight; he's also handsome, funny (with a great laugh), kind, loving, hard-working, and Faith-filled.  And he's the best husband and father on the planet.  (You may be thinking that my baby and I share a tendency toward hyperbole, but that's the God's honest truth!)

Happy Father's Day to the "greatest dad in the whole world."  That's what it says on the backs of all those giant ties, and that makes it official!